The things

The things I do, the things I probably never should have done.

Those pangs of guilt. Really, I should never had cared. I felt those pangs because I knew that you guys were the ones in need. I guess all that guilt was just wasted. When I'm with my new friends I always enjoy myself and have a great time. However, when the fun is over and I head home, I feel the pangs of guilt deep in my gut.

Should I really be enjoying myself this much? Do I actually deserve this? No, they are the ones who need this more than I do. Why couldn't they have met these people in my stead? They are more needy than I am, they are the ones who need this positive drive to help propel them forward.

That's what I thought. Silly me. Why did I even bother to consider how you guys feel when all you guys do for me is to trample all over my feelings.

Did you ever think of the effort, thought and actual action I put into maintaining my friendships with you guys? Even when I know that the main reason you asked me to meet up was so that you aren't a loner, I still went, happy that a chance to see one of my dear friends has come up.

I'm sure none of you guys except a few or maybe a certain someone had no ill intent what so ever, but you cannot deny the fact that you were involved. Yes you did nothing harmful but you didn't do or try to do anything to make the situation better. You just cruised along, following the flow, like you always did. I treasured the friendship we shared, but I guess I was just being, as always, delusional in thinking that you did too.